Crying. Shame
Crying. It's really the first thing we know how to do. The second we enter the world, we cry. Crying is a babies only way to communicate his/her needs until they can talk. Somewhere along the way, the expressiveness of crying changes from a means of communication to being seen as weakness...any sign of emotion is weak? What a crock of crap.
How many times have you seen a child fall down, bang their head, and hear the parent/caregiver say, 'Oh, you're fine.'? I have heard that plenty of times, and I am guilty of saying it myself. Someone once told me, if you draw attention to it they are going to think they should cry...um, looking back that's just dumb. I mean, I understand what he said, but for us to imply that a child who falls face first on the cement is fine, we have another thing coming.
Is that where it starts? A comment like that that makes us start to stuff our feelings? It's so hard to be vulnerable and expressive emotionally if we aren't taught that from a young age. A real life example is the family with three children. Someone very close to me has struggled with emotions for as long as they can remember. My professional opinion (kidding) and one that they agree with is that dad had one child and mom had the other. My friend was left to their own devices and never really felt like they could express themselves because there was no one to really turn to.
I've talked to Stefan a lot about how once Bean gets old enough to really understand we need to be the best examples we can. It's okay if we have a disagreement in front of her as long as she sees the resolution. It's okay for us to talk about our emotions and cry if we need to. This is where Stefan and I struggle. I am, as you may have noticed, very expressive with my emotions, while Stefan is quite the opposite. Now, I'm not saying this as if I'm this perfect person who knows everything. What I do know is that I've worked hard to rewire my brain to learn that expressing my emotions is okay, and it's something I work hard at everyday. Stefan is also working on this because he understands the value of it, not just as a model for Bean, but for himself. I am proud of him, because I see that he is truly trying; he is hardwired one way, it's like swimming against the current...it's tough but possible.
Why do we all feel like we are burdening someone with our issues? I feel that way, you feel that way, we all do, and it's a crying shame (<-- see what I did there, crying shame 😆 ) I also really hope that you, the reader, laugh at my corny jokes the way that I do...and if not, you're missing out.
Being vulnerable is scary and it's hard work, but once you start, it does get easier. Do you have someone in your life you can truly confide in? I promise you, if you vent and word vomit all over them, they will not feel burdened; if anything, they will be happy. You chose THEM to talk to. What an honor and a privilege to have someone in your life you can do that with.
Go out there and find your person...and like not the first person you meet on the street, but find that person you know has your back regardless of all the bullshit and ask if they have a minute to listen. We all want to help others and have an impact...we can help each other by listening, by being vulnerable, being courageous.
“Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences -- good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as "ordinary courage.” - Brene Brown
So why don't you join me and go out in the world and redefine society's definition of courage.
How many times have you seen a child fall down, bang their head, and hear the parent/caregiver say, 'Oh, you're fine.'? I have heard that plenty of times, and I am guilty of saying it myself. Someone once told me, if you draw attention to it they are going to think they should cry...um, looking back that's just dumb. I mean, I understand what he said, but for us to imply that a child who falls face first on the cement is fine, we have another thing coming.
Is that where it starts? A comment like that that makes us start to stuff our feelings? It's so hard to be vulnerable and expressive emotionally if we aren't taught that from a young age. A real life example is the family with three children. Someone very close to me has struggled with emotions for as long as they can remember. My professional opinion (kidding) and one that they agree with is that dad had one child and mom had the other. My friend was left to their own devices and never really felt like they could express themselves because there was no one to really turn to.
**Just so you know in this example, my friend, doesn't really mean 'my friend' and I'm talking about myself*
Why do we all feel like we are burdening someone with our issues? I feel that way, you feel that way, we all do, and it's a crying shame (<-- see what I did there, crying shame 😆 ) I also really hope that you, the reader, laugh at my corny jokes the way that I do...and if not, you're missing out.
Being vulnerable is scary and it's hard work, but once you start, it does get easier. Do you have someone in your life you can truly confide in? I promise you, if you vent and word vomit all over them, they will not feel burdened; if anything, they will be happy. You chose THEM to talk to. What an honor and a privilege to have someone in your life you can do that with.
Go out there and find your person...and like not the first person you meet on the street, but find that person you know has your back regardless of all the bullshit and ask if they have a minute to listen. We all want to help others and have an impact...we can help each other by listening, by being vulnerable, being courageous.
*Did you know the origin of the word courage?*
“Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences -- good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as "ordinary courage.” - Brene Brown
So why don't you join me and go out in the world and redefine society's definition of courage.
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