Piece by Piece

Goals.  Many people have them, some people achieve them, others don't, some give up everything not worrying about the consequences, some do everything possible and don't get the outcome they expected...but they get a lot more then they ever dreamed of.  I've know friends who have dreamed of becoming wealthy through work, others who have dreamed of getting married and having a family, getting a degree.  So many people with such passion and ambition; and then there's me. For the past 10 years I achieved much, I got a BA and a Masters, have been blessed with a great career, got married, moved and am finally settling down as we prepare to start a family.  All of these amazing things, none of which were my life goals (or so I thought), my goal for 10 years was to be skinny. At points, I starved myself, I overexercised, I binged and purged, and sometimes I did all of these things.  I had no energy for life, I was irritable, I avoided many social gatherings, I abused alcoho

Timing is everything.  I have had a difficult time with recovery.  My body image has been shit, I've relapsed.  Yet I have still found some strength to maintain my recovery.   In the time of my recent struggles I received a message from a friend on Facebook.  The message was one of the kindest messages I've ever received.  In sum this mess thanked me for my courage to share my story, as well as thanking me for inspiring her.  If you don't know me, I am an extremely emotional person, so of course after reading this message I began to cry.  I never thought of myself as being an inspiration for anyone, and receiving this message was very humbling and eye opening.   You truly never know who you will have an impact on, and for that reason I think that it is important to be true to who you are as a person, and to be honest about your struggles and victories.  I am truly grateful for that message I received and for my friend who had the courage to contact me and share h

It's pretty safe to say, that when I was in my eating disorder, I was never really present in moments with my friends and family.  My mind was so consumed with food; restricting my food, when I could purge, how many calories have I had so far.  My head was so filled with these thoughts that I never enjoyed the little moments with my loved ones.  Additionally, I was often too weak to hold/carry my nieces for long periods of time.  I lacked patience, was irritable, and not being mindful of our time together. Fast forward to last week. My sister and my nieces took a trip to visit my husband and I.  I can gladly say that this was the first time in probably years that I enjoyed nearly every second of their visit.  I wasn't worried about what I was eating, what I looked like, and I had enough energy to run around, play with and carry my nieces.  I have been struggling a lot lately with my meal plan, and my body image.  I think it's important for me to reflect on my recent v