Mindful Moments

It's pretty safe to say, that when I was in my eating disorder, I was never really present in moments with my friends and family.  My mind was so consumed with food; restricting my food, when I could purge, how many calories have I had so far.  My head was so filled with these thoughts that I never enjoyed the little moments with my loved ones.  Additionally, I was often too weak to hold/carry my nieces for long periods of time.  I lacked patience, was irritable, and not being mindful of our time together.

 Fast forward to last week.

 My sister and my nieces took a trip to visit my husband and I.  I can gladly say that this was the first time in probably years that I enjoyed nearly every second of their visit.  I wasn't worried about what I was eating, what I looked like, and I had enough energy to run around, play with and carry my nieces. 

 I have been struggling a lot lately with my meal plan, and my body image. I think it's important for me to reflect on my recent visit and recognize that food is fuel, not an enemy.  It provides me with the energy I want and need to be present and mindful of moments with my friends and family.  My mind is not consumed with food, but with making memories.  I am worn out and out of energy, not from restricting, but from playing 'monster' and hide and seek.  I am patient when my oldest niece screams and hollers because I know it's just the age. 

 I am grateful for the time that we had together, and I am proud of myself for not being consumed with food, but with fun and family instead.

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