Piece by Piece

Why today sucked: I felt fat.   I felt ugly. I tried on shorts that used to be big and I could barely button them. I had to stick to my meal plan despite not feeling hungry I went shopping and was forced to buy a size that seemed absurd. My rabbit continues to ruin our furniture. Our cats can't get along. Why today was great: I made people laugh. I relaxed on the couch....and was surrounded by our 3 fur babies. I rode my bike. I went for a walk. I was able to afford to buy new clothes for my changing body. Our neighbor gave us vegetables from the garden. I got to see my family via Facetime. My husband told me I was beautiful. We ate dinner together. The Cavs won game 7. --That's just the short list-- When today started, I was upset because of clothes not fitting.  It's so easy to take one thing and turn it into, my life sucks, this is the worst day ever, woe is me.  It's hard to look at the good things that happen on a daily basis...but when you

I have struggled a lot this past week and today is the first day that I am feel really great!  Whenever I am struggling with body image I try to focus on not what my body looks like, but what it does for me. This sounds great coming out of a therapists mouth, however, it is much harder to do when all you want to do is change everything about your body.   I have had an eyeopening experience recently in which I am truly grateful for my body.  I remember when I would workout in the past it took everything that I had to get through a workout.  I would try to hit x amount of calories burned, or a certain distance, all while hoping that I wouldn't pass out. Today as I was running I was grateful for how I felt after.  Sure, I was sweaty and tired, but it was a different kind of tired.  Not a I need to lay down before I pass out from not enough food in my system, but a healthy fatigue in which I am exhausted but am grateful to be.   I cannot guarantee that in an hour from now I will fe

So yesterday was already a hard day and then I found the sweetest, yet most ignorant person since I've been home.   It is extremely beneficial to someone in recovery to have a number of people to act as a support team.  I have a number of my friends from treatment and at home to support me, but I was also hoping to find an Eating Disorders Anonymous group.  Unfortunately we do not have any in the area so instead it was recommended to try Over eaters Anonymous (OA), a program that welcomes people with a number of different eating disorders.   I got to the location of the OA meeting, but needed help finding the room.  I found a sweet woman to ask... Me:  Do you know where room 126 is?  There is a meeting in it and I'm not familiar with the building. Woman:  Well, what is the meeting you are looking for? Me: Over eaters Anonymous. Woman: (looks me up and down) Yeah, cause you need that meeting.  They can teach you how to eat. (laughs) Me: (awkwardly) Actually, I suff

'Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss #nailedit Good ol' Dr. Seuss nails it again!  I was reading my daily devotional and this is the quote that it had as a precursor for the daily goal.  All that I can say was that this quote was absolutely perfect for my feelings yesterday.  We have all had to make decisions in our life both big and small.  After we've made those decsions we may dwell on the thought, 'Was that the right decision?'  Well, this is how I've been feeling a lot. After much thought I have decided to resign from my position as a Children's Librarian.  This job has had many rewards, especially seeing the joy on the children's faces during story time or at a program. I have also made some incredible friends at this job, friendships that I believe will last a lifetime. My work had a lot of rewards and also a lot of stress (as do most jobs), and having struggled with severe anxiety and panic attacks,

Often times we find ourselves saying negative things about ourselves.  A simple example, you may make a mistake and say, 'I'm so stupid'.  Or in a more serious case we may say, 'I am such a screw up, I can't do anything right, I'll never amount to anything.'  No matter how 'minor' or severe, the things we tell ourselves are implanted in our brains and in some cases we start to believe them, whether or not they are true. DISCLAIMER:  They are usually false Suffering from anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder my lies became my truths.  I have a doom or gloom mindset; I think life is never going to get better, so why is it worth living; I am forgettable; I'm fat, ugly, worthless etc. So, what happens when these so called truths become challenged by those around us? Today was my final day in Intensive Outpatient treatment, and before you bid farewell the other patients and staff take the time to say nice things about the departing patient