Piece by Piece

As you, the reader, already know, I have struggled with an eating disorder for over a decade.  It is only now, as I am strong in my recovery, that I recognize the impact that a mental illness and/or addiction can have on your family and friends.  It is only now that I see others struggle, I feel the pain, and anger I may have caused many of you...and for that here is this apology. Please note that over the past 12 years I have made plenty of memories and moments of clarity.  The following apologies are for when I was at my sickest.  I am not my eating disorder; these behaviors were not me. Dear family and friends, I'm sorry that I was not fully present in moments of great joy and sadness.   I'm sorry that while you were making memories, I was so sick I knew I wouldn't remember. I'm sorry I drove when I didn't eat. For blacking out on the drive, and being grateful I made it home alive. I'm sorry if I was selfish. I'm sorry I manipulated you into

Our words matter.  What we say to others has an impact; what we say to ourselves has an even bigger impact.  I have found that in my life I am always eager to make sure I am making everybody else happy.  I find myself worried most nights about interactions that I had throughout the day, ‘Did they take what I said the wrong way?’, ‘Why didn’t ___ say hi to me?’ etc.  I know many friends and acquaintances who have expressed the same anxieties. No doubt we need to be kind to others , but we cannot neglect ourselves along the way. The things that we tell ourselves on a daily basis are so important.  I’ve always heard about the power of words but I don’t think I ever truly believed the impact until recently. Before giving birth to Giuliana, I would say everyday how healthy she was and would continue to be, I would also say how a position at a library closer to home would open up and I would get it. All of these things came to be true. Would these things have happened anyway? Sure, i

At a recent meeting for work we watched a TedTalk called, The Lollipop Moment.  I've been under a rock, and have never actually seen a TedTalk prior to this one, but I was grateful that this was my first.  The speaker, Drew Dudley, began the talk by asking how many people in the audience were comfortable calling themselves a leader?  Very few hands went up...and in my head I was trying to rack my brain for moments that I would say I was a leader.  I thought of a few instances from my youth, from previous jobs and my current career...but the keyword there is few.  I, as we all are, am my own worst critic and I often doubt myself and my strengths.  If I could consider a time I felt like I was a leader, I immediately start talking myself out of it, and how it wasn't really true leadership.   Well, Drew shared his story and truly redefined what being a leader is.  In his story he recalled of the time a girl came up to him, years after their encounter, and told him how he impacted