Piece by Piece

It only feels right to create a new post on my two year anniversary!  Two years ago today, I was boarding a plane to come back home after receiving 56 days of treatment for an eating disorder.  I remember feeling excited to be back home, but nervous as hell to re-acclimate back to society. My main concern and thought was, "What will people think?"....not that much has changed today, being that I am more concerned with what other people think than anything, but I'm a work in progress what can I say?  I wondered how I looked to others.  Where people thought I was.  Did anyone care?  How could I deal with conversations about diet culture?  How could I do this? Well, I can now answer those questions: How I looked? -  I looked happy; I looked like Tracy. Where was she? -   Nobody asked, they mostly expressed their happiness I as back. Did anyone care? - Yes How could I deal with conversations about diet culture?  I'm still working this one out. How could I do this?

I am an emotion stuffer.  I constantly stuff my feelings about many things, and then when I am emotionally full, I will erupt and emotionally vomit all over myself....or Stefan.  I can say that, without a doubt, I have been this way for a really long time.  I don't like expressing my emotions, particularly the bad ones, and when I do, I apologize for them.  I am a really good actress; a majority of the time one would never know that I am in emotional turmoil often...I put on my happy face, stuff, and that is that.   Can you relate to this? I know many people who I have talked to when they are feeling down, frustrated or what have you.  They too apologize for crying, talking about something etc.  I can easily tell them, 'It's okay, you shouldn't apologize for your emotions...if it's how you feel, then feel it.' Why is it so much easier for us to dole out advice than to practice it. Some things that I get emotional about involve my lack of assertiv