Progress, not perfection

Life is a wild ride. Like a roller coaster, life is thrilling, terrifying; it can feel like you'll never get to the good part. You scream, laugh, possibly cry, you may shit your pants, and then it's over. I have too often gotten caught up in the comparison game, the what if's, the should haves, etc. I have been hard on myself, so hard that there were times I thought I couldn't go any further, and I just wanted to get off of the line. It's rare that I sit back, on a regular basis, and reflect on all of the good things that I have, who I have become, and where I can go. Today, as I was scrolling through pictures to try and find one in particular, I came across three pictures I took of my scalp last summer. Just as a little refresher, after feeling so disgusted and fed up with myself and my trichtotillomania, I decided to buzz cut all my hair off. In that moment I felt like I had no other choice but to start with a nearly blank canvas. 

There have been many days since then that I have been hard on myself for pulling, thinking about the time it takes to grow back vs. the seconds it takes to pull it out. I've also considered the cost that I have encountered to try and cover up the bald spots and the products that foster fast hair growth. I still have episodes of pulling, but not nearly as bad as it was. I will still take pictures of my scalp and get bummed out when I have another bald spot. After seeing those pictures from last July, I can really see the progress I have made, and can actually say I'm kind of proud of myself.

The ride of life, just like recovery, is not linear. Ups and downs, twists and turns, and sometimes you go backwards. As long as we pick ourselves up, recognize our value, and move on, we may end up really enjoying the ride.

Pictures from July 2021:


Photos taken today, June 14th 2022







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