Hi! My name is (what?) My name is (who?) My name is...
Hi, my name is People Pleaser....it's nice to meet you.
Anyone else out there a people pleaser? Come on, I know I'm not the only one. You're either reading this because you are a people pleaser, or reading it to appease me...like I said you're a people pleaser ;)
When I first started my journey in recovery I had a lot of time to spend with me, myself and I. In the past, this was something that even the thought of repulsed me. Sure, I enjoyed having alone time to read, nap, clean or relax, but I never spent time with myself. This may sound weird, but have you ever really spent time getting to know yourself? I am not referring to being alone with your thoughts that feed daily anxiety. I mean truly acquaint yourself to...well...yourself. Getting to know your likes and dislikes, feelings about certain 'taboo' topics, etc. By getting reacquainted with Tracy, I spent less time worrying about pleasing others...I really wanted to remain true to myself, and really thrive on, 'what you see, is what you get,' mentality.
This was all fine and dandy until, a few weeks ago. Once again, I had fallen victim to my old ways, and have lived a life of, pleasing others, and leaving myself behind. I truly think that all the discussion about race and politics with the election caused much of my people pleasing to resurface [Before you stop reading, no, this is not a political post! So, carry on] 'You should avoid talking about politics', said every person ever to walk the planet, but lets face it...we all do! I think having a screen to hide behind, i.e. social media has caused much larger 'discussions' than in years past. This is totally fine, a nice debate regarding serious topics can be informative, and eye opening. Well, these 'discussions' have been some of the most hateful things that I have ever read. People saying hurtful things to people they consider a 'friend'. Sure we can try to avoid it by staying of social media, unfollowing people, blocking etc. But how can you avoid it when you realize this hatred is in your own backyard?
These highly elevated emotions and expressions from others have caused Tracy to go into her shell and Little Miss People Pleaser to come out. For example, I have had conversations with some people about how I feel regarding certain things, miscellaneous topics as well as politics. Others, particularly those I disagree with, I found myself smiling and nodding to appease them. In a nutshell, I feel people out and when I know they agree or disagree, I do what I can to act like I understand and sympathize with their perspective. I have come home many days feeling down about myself; wishing that I didn't do the 'smile and nod', the 'I understand' response. I'm working so hard to make sure I don't say the wrong thing to everybody so I make them happy, yet at the end of the day I'm miserable. Anyone who does this knows pleasing others to an extreme is exhausting, and it really doesn't accomplish much.
At the end of the day, we truly only have ourselves. There are people that love us and that we love, but when you strip that all away what are we left with? [No, I'm not being sad or depressing, but well, honest] We need to remember who we are and what we stand for. We need not be worried if others share our thoughts and feelings, but embrace our differences. Most importantly, you need to be true to yourself. All I want is to be kind to others, kind to myself, and hope that I get the same treatment in return.
Anyone else out there a people pleaser? Come on, I know I'm not the only one. You're either reading this because you are a people pleaser, or reading it to appease me...like I said you're a people pleaser ;)
When I first started my journey in recovery I had a lot of time to spend with me, myself and I. In the past, this was something that even the thought of repulsed me. Sure, I enjoyed having alone time to read, nap, clean or relax, but I never spent time with myself. This may sound weird, but have you ever really spent time getting to know yourself? I am not referring to being alone with your thoughts that feed daily anxiety. I mean truly acquaint yourself to...well...yourself. Getting to know your likes and dislikes, feelings about certain 'taboo' topics, etc. By getting reacquainted with Tracy, I spent less time worrying about pleasing others...I really wanted to remain true to myself, and really thrive on, 'what you see, is what you get,' mentality.
This was all fine and dandy until, a few weeks ago. Once again, I had fallen victim to my old ways, and have lived a life of, pleasing others, and leaving myself behind. I truly think that all the discussion about race and politics with the election caused much of my people pleasing to resurface [Before you stop reading, no, this is not a political post! So, carry on] 'You should avoid talking about politics', said every person ever to walk the planet, but lets face it...we all do! I think having a screen to hide behind, i.e. social media has caused much larger 'discussions' than in years past. This is totally fine, a nice debate regarding serious topics can be informative, and eye opening. Well, these 'discussions' have been some of the most hateful things that I have ever read. People saying hurtful things to people they consider a 'friend'. Sure we can try to avoid it by staying of social media, unfollowing people, blocking etc. But how can you avoid it when you realize this hatred is in your own backyard?
These highly elevated emotions and expressions from others have caused Tracy to go into her shell and Little Miss People Pleaser to come out. For example, I have had conversations with some people about how I feel regarding certain things, miscellaneous topics as well as politics. Others, particularly those I disagree with, I found myself smiling and nodding to appease them. In a nutshell, I feel people out and when I know they agree or disagree, I do what I can to act like I understand and sympathize with their perspective. I have come home many days feeling down about myself; wishing that I didn't do the 'smile and nod', the 'I understand' response. I'm working so hard to make sure I don't say the wrong thing to everybody so I make them happy, yet at the end of the day I'm miserable. Anyone who does this knows pleasing others to an extreme is exhausting, and it really doesn't accomplish much.
At the end of the day, we truly only have ourselves. There are people that love us and that we love, but when you strip that all away what are we left with? [No, I'm not being sad or depressing, but well, honest] We need to remember who we are and what we stand for. We need not be worried if others share our thoughts and feelings, but embrace our differences. Most importantly, you need to be true to yourself. All I want is to be kind to others, kind to myself, and hope that I get the same treatment in return.
I pledge to be true to myself, believe what I believe, say how I feel, not because others expect it of me, but because I expect it of myself.
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