'The best part of believe is the Lie.'

I've been lying to you all, and to myself.  A part of me hopes that when I write a blog post about being strong, not worrying about what the scale says, and how great I feel dancing or running that maybe I will believe I am overcoming.  I am not as strong as I make it seem.  Again, I find myself wearing a mask, a comforting tool I've used for at least 10 years now.  A mask that hides who I really am and what I really feel. I've worn this mask for so long I've don't know how to take it off...scratch that, I know how to take it off, I am just scared of what others will see....what I will see.  I have lost my identity and now I am feeling just as lost as ever.

I've found myself restricting.  I've found myself hugging the toilet bowl after meals.  I've found myself sleeping too much, and enjoying life too little.  I've once again found myself feeling alone, scared and hopeless.

I hope that one day soon I will open my eyes again and get a glimpse of what happiness is.  I need to find my motivation again.  I need to figure out how to love again.  I need to figure out how to be me again.

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 4, 2016 at 7:50 AM

    Writing a blog that it seems no one reads can be incredibly frustrating. I just want you to know I'm here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tracy LauraAugust 6, 2016 at 6:11 AM

      Thank you so much Jeanne, that means a lot ❤️

      Delete
    2. MyselfAugust 15, 2016 at 8:53 AM

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete

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