Falling down

I feel as though I have been strong for so long.  I feel as though I've made huge progress in my recovery so far.  I feel as though I am falling down.

 Something I've always done is put on a smile and portrayed a happy carefree woman.  The truth is for much of my life that was a mask to hide what was really going on, the anxiety, the depression, the feelings of not being good enough, the eating disorder.  Only until the past few months I've taken off that mask and have been true to who I am as a person, not fearing what others will think of me and living as openly and honestly as I can.  

 I've been so strong, it was only a matter of time before I would start to fall.

 Yesterday I began to fall.  I restricted.  I called myself a loser.  I completely broke down on the couch. I had a 'why me, why us?' moment.  That feeling carried on into today.  I feel sad and broken.  I'm a walking zombie.  As I write this I realize I have two choices I can either continue to wallow in my self-pity or I can do the next right thing.  

 I can sit here and call myself a loser, say I'm not good enough, no job wants to hire me, money is tight, I'm fat...blah blah blah

 OR

 I can stand up, look in the mirror and tell myself that I am enough, the right job just hasn't come along yet, money isn't everything, I am a beautiful human being, I need to nourish my body because I matter.

 For me I am going to choose the latter.  Sure I had a hard day yesterday and part of today, but just because things seem bad doesn't mean we have to harp on them.  If you're feeling down about something I suggest making a gratitude list.  I've done this multiple times and it reminds me of how great life really is.  

 Just because we are down doesn't mean we have to stay down.  

 Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on, because after all we've only got one life to live.  Why not live it up.

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