Hi, my name is Tracy and I am a Codependent
I think I've been a codependent for most of my life, only I didn't know what it was until I met my first therapist. About nine years ago I had sought out a therapist because of some traumatic experiences I was facing. It was within the first few sessions when she recommended I read a book called, 'Codependent No More' by Melodie Beattie. I had never heard of the term before, and if I had, I simply ignored it not thinking it had anything to do with me. I remember reading the book and thinking, 'Oh my gosh, this is my life.' It's been a 'diagnosis' that I forget about until I have a breaking moment and I remember.
I was recently listening to the podcast, Work in Progress by Sophia Bush, where she had comedian Whitney Cummings as her guest. On the podcast they touched on a number of subjects, with codependence being one of them. Cummings did a great job in explaining what being codependent means, especially in ways I found relatable. Like any other behavioral condition, it varies from person to person, but it is more or less an addiction to people.
I have struggled for most of my life with people pleasing, which can be an aspect of codependence. The thought of not being liked is intolerable. I have low self esteem, so to solve both of these problems I focus on what other people need so I do not need to think about myself; a point that Cummings makes in the podcast. I have an, 'inability to tolerate discomfort of others.' What does that mean? I have to go to the party, I have to go out to dinner with so and so, I need to answer the phone call/call that person because it will make them happy. There is also a true sense of urgency. If someone texts me, especially someone who isn't my closest friend/family we feel the need to respond right away. Something that really hit me during the podcast was the discussion of how having a sense of urgency could lead to fatalities, aka texting and driving. I will admit that there have been times that I have seen/heard a text go off while driving and I feel the need to immediately read and respond. Before you judge me, I'm sure you have done this too, and NO I do not do this when Bean is in the car with me.
Perfecitonism is something else that I have struggled with/continue to struggle with on a mostly daily basis. This can also be a 'symptom' of codependence. Do you struggle with the thought, 'Only I can do x,y and z?' 'If I don't do it it won't get done, or it won't get done correctly.' I am waving every thing I can right now, that is soooooo me! I have tried to do a better job delegating different tasks in various aspects of my life, but it's freaking hard.
I have enabled addiction. I have overbooked myself and put myself last to make others happy. I have overworked myself. I have run myself ragged. Everyday is a new challenge and sometimes I fail, but I need to learn that is okay. I need to make mistakes, I need to 'let it go', I need to take better care of myself. Recovery is hard, and I, like many others play the game of whack a mole, but I can do it. You can do it. Let's talk more openly about our struggles and we can help heal one another.
I was recently listening to the podcast, Work in Progress by Sophia Bush, where she had comedian Whitney Cummings as her guest. On the podcast they touched on a number of subjects, with codependence being one of them. Cummings did a great job in explaining what being codependent means, especially in ways I found relatable. Like any other behavioral condition, it varies from person to person, but it is more or less an addiction to people.
I have struggled for most of my life with people pleasing, which can be an aspect of codependence. The thought of not being liked is intolerable. I have low self esteem, so to solve both of these problems I focus on what other people need so I do not need to think about myself; a point that Cummings makes in the podcast. I have an, 'inability to tolerate discomfort of others.' What does that mean? I have to go to the party, I have to go out to dinner with so and so, I need to answer the phone call/call that person because it will make them happy. There is also a true sense of urgency. If someone texts me, especially someone who isn't my closest friend/family we feel the need to respond right away. Something that really hit me during the podcast was the discussion of how having a sense of urgency could lead to fatalities, aka texting and driving. I will admit that there have been times that I have seen/heard a text go off while driving and I feel the need to immediately read and respond. Before you judge me, I'm sure you have done this too, and NO I do not do this when Bean is in the car with me.
Perfecitonism is something else that I have struggled with/continue to struggle with on a mostly daily basis. This can also be a 'symptom' of codependence. Do you struggle with the thought, 'Only I can do x,y and z?' 'If I don't do it it won't get done, or it won't get done correctly.' I am waving every thing I can right now, that is soooooo me! I have tried to do a better job delegating different tasks in various aspects of my life, but it's freaking hard.
I have enabled addiction. I have overbooked myself and put myself last to make others happy. I have overworked myself. I have run myself ragged. Everyday is a new challenge and sometimes I fail, but I need to learn that is okay. I need to make mistakes, I need to 'let it go', I need to take better care of myself. Recovery is hard, and I, like many others play the game of whack a mole, but I can do it. You can do it. Let's talk more openly about our struggles and we can help heal one another.
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