Leather Anniversary
Three years ago today, I took my first steps into a new life; a life in recovery. Soon, Bean will take her first steps. Just yesterday I was helping my little girl walk across our yard. Not too long from now she will not need my hands to help her walk; she will be able to walk on her own. She may initially be scared. She will fall, she will get a few bumps and bruises along the way, and she may very well cry, but she will no doubt get back up and keep at it. That sounds like a metaphor for life in general, and I can vouch that those exact things have happened to me over the past three years.
Of course I could tell you what I was wearing as I stepped off of the plane into RDU airport, and damn I was a mix of emotions. I was so excited to see Stefan again, and damn I was terrified. What if he didn't like how I looked? What if I relapsed? What if I wasn't strong enough to make it? The first question shouldn't even be a question because if Stefan likes how I look when I wake up with my horrendous smelling breath, a few extra pounds would never compare. The other questions are completely valid. Just like Bean, taking the first few steps can be scary, but you do it, and you get better and better. The falls will come, the tears will come, but just keep on keeping on.
Everyday we have a choice. Some days we take the steps required to have a good day. For example, wake up with a grateful heart, go through the day and not sweat the small stuff, and go to bed full. In recovery, the steps taken are the same as previously stated, but also making sure that needs are met and no shame was felt. Other days, we may start off the day strong, but something sets us off and then it's a ride down shit's creak. Nothing anyone says or does can change it. Then there are the few days where you think, 'my life sucks' and the whole day is ruined before your feet hit the floor from your bed. It is important to make the choices to live the best life possible, and more importantly, not beating yourself up when something goes wrong.
For the past three years I've experienced all types of days, as I'm sure most of you have, but I am choosing to take those steps, fall, cry, and get back up again. Just like when Bean falls down, she doesn't only get up because she is determined as hell, but because she has Stefan and myself there cheering her on; I get back up because I have a support system that won't let me stay down, and for that I am forever grateful.
Of course I could tell you what I was wearing as I stepped off of the plane into RDU airport, and damn I was a mix of emotions. I was so excited to see Stefan again, and damn I was terrified. What if he didn't like how I looked? What if I relapsed? What if I wasn't strong enough to make it? The first question shouldn't even be a question because if Stefan likes how I look when I wake up with my horrendous smelling breath, a few extra pounds would never compare. The other questions are completely valid. Just like Bean, taking the first few steps can be scary, but you do it, and you get better and better. The falls will come, the tears will come, but just keep on keeping on.
Everyday we have a choice. Some days we take the steps required to have a good day. For example, wake up with a grateful heart, go through the day and not sweat the small stuff, and go to bed full. In recovery, the steps taken are the same as previously stated, but also making sure that needs are met and no shame was felt. Other days, we may start off the day strong, but something sets us off and then it's a ride down shit's creak. Nothing anyone says or does can change it. Then there are the few days where you think, 'my life sucks' and the whole day is ruined before your feet hit the floor from your bed. It is important to make the choices to live the best life possible, and more importantly, not beating yourself up when something goes wrong.
For the past three years I've experienced all types of days, as I'm sure most of you have, but I am choosing to take those steps, fall, cry, and get back up again. Just like when Bean falls down, she doesn't only get up because she is determined as hell, but because she has Stefan and myself there cheering her on; I get back up because I have a support system that won't let me stay down, and for that I am forever grateful.
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