In2ition

Intuition.  I have it.  When I'm tired, I think 'I need a nap' or 'I need to slow down'.  If I'm running and I have my breathing down, I know I can do more.  I can pretty quickly give advice or input to the best of my ability by listening to what's in my heart.  When it comes to eating...I have no idea if I am hungry or full.  I do not know how to intuitive eat.  You may roll your eyes at this, and think, 'How could someone not know?'  That's a great question, but I really don't know.

 I have continued to lose weight.  I sat in my session and told my dietitian, 'I feel like I'm trying really hard.  I'm eating everything I should'.  I truly believe this to be true.  I feel frustrated.  I eat and I lose weight, I don't eat and I lose weight...what is happening?  I was diagnosed, later in my session, that I am a mechanical eater.  I eat what I think I'm supposed to eat, when I'm supposed to eat...not necessarily because I am hungry, and definitely not because I'm full.  I sit at the lunch table embarrassed by how much food I pull out of my lunch box it's like the Barney bag...things just keep coming.  I imagine what people must think about the quantity I eat...and yet it's apparently still not enough.  I also know that people could care less what I have...it’s just a paranoia 🙄

 I truly do not know when I am hungry.  I know when I feel fatigued, irritable and just overall fuzzy; then I tune into...hmm I guess I'm hungry.  My dietitian asked me if I could remember a time when I felt my hunger and fullness cues...and I could not remember...I think so? maybe?  Tonight, as Stefan and I finished our meal and cleaned up the dishes, I asked him, 'How do I know if I'm full?'  I realized as I asked him, how stupid it sounded, Stefan's response was, 'Well, are you hungry?'...Well shit, I don't know that either.  I stood hunched over the stove with my head down really trying to tune into my body and see if I was full...I proceeded to say, 'I think I'm full'... 

 I admire Giuliana.  She is only 4 months old and I am amazed by her...she, as do all babies, know their little bodies so well!  She knows when she's hungry and she swats that bottle away when she is full...and has been that way from the beginning!  It's something that I was so worried about when she was born.  I was terrified of overfeeding her or underfeeding her.  I projected my stuff on her and instilled an anxiety that was never going to happen.  She has intuition...and man, that's amazing.  

 Don't take for granted the little things in life...because something like intuitive eating is a blessing.  I know that I can regain the 'skill', I just need to keep on trucking. I know that there are so many things in my life that are truly a blessing, things I probably take for granted yet if I take a step back, I will recognize that I am lucky to have something or someone that others may not have.




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