Sorry I'm not Sorry
I just got out of a great session with my therapist and it has sparked a fire inside of me. One thing that I love about going to see my therapist is that I have an unbiased party to speak to and we never know where the conversation is going to go. Today, we got a little off topic from my initial discussion, but it has opened my eyes.
I am in a place where I am starting to care less and less about what people think. However, I do still make a lot of decisions based on how others will perceive my decision....it's exhausting, and I'm getting sick of it. Why should I let other people's perspectives and opinions change the way I live my life.
There have been a few stories I recalled that I remember people, strangers and acquaintances, who have made snarky comments about me both to my face and behind my back. To the comments that were made to my face about not valuing my opinion or being too 'nice'...you're ballsy, and also smart, because you knew I wouldn't say anything. To those of you who have talked behind my back, not thinking your words would get back to me, you're a fool or maybe even smart, knowing your words would get back to me and essentially hurt me. To those of you who have compared my eating disorder to any other illness or disease or addiction, nice try, but you have no idea what people with eating disorders go through. Yes, people may be similar in that they all have a mental illness, but they are not all the same. And no, it's not like alcoholism, because alcoholics can choose to avoid alcohol, we however, do not have a choice to not be around food, considering we need it to survive.
For those of you who have seen me as a ditzy, easy going gal, you are simply ignorant. I may act like an airhead at times and have not had thick skin in the past, but I am smarter and have a better memory than you may think. I remember what you've said/done I just chose to ignore it. Well, I hope that I've moved on from that because it's only led to my own defamation of character.
I am not saint by any means. Sure, we've all done it, we've all said things behind people's backs being catty at one point or another. But all of these comments, whether you know the person or not, affect their health and their emotions. I kick myself every time I find myself being sucked into a catty conversation about someone else. We all fall victim to this, and the best that we can do is try to change the subject, avoid it all together or simply walk away.
I hope that I can live my life without worrying about the opinions of others, and make decisions that are best for me in this life and not what I think others believe is the best. I hope that I can learn to walk away quicker when people are being catty. I try to reiterate to myself that being able to speak up, make decisions, and live life the way I want to shouldn't matter to anyone else and if it does, than they simply don't matter.
I am in a place where I am starting to care less and less about what people think. However, I do still make a lot of decisions based on how others will perceive my decision....it's exhausting, and I'm getting sick of it. Why should I let other people's perspectives and opinions change the way I live my life.
There have been a few stories I recalled that I remember people, strangers and acquaintances, who have made snarky comments about me both to my face and behind my back. To the comments that were made to my face about not valuing my opinion or being too 'nice'...you're ballsy, and also smart, because you knew I wouldn't say anything. To those of you who have talked behind my back, not thinking your words would get back to me, you're a fool or maybe even smart, knowing your words would get back to me and essentially hurt me. To those of you who have compared my eating disorder to any other illness or disease or addiction, nice try, but you have no idea what people with eating disorders go through. Yes, people may be similar in that they all have a mental illness, but they are not all the same. And no, it's not like alcoholism, because alcoholics can choose to avoid alcohol, we however, do not have a choice to not be around food, considering we need it to survive.
For those of you who have seen me as a ditzy, easy going gal, you are simply ignorant. I may act like an airhead at times and have not had thick skin in the past, but I am smarter and have a better memory than you may think. I remember what you've said/done I just chose to ignore it. Well, I hope that I've moved on from that because it's only led to my own defamation of character.
I am not saint by any means. Sure, we've all done it, we've all said things behind people's backs being catty at one point or another. But all of these comments, whether you know the person or not, affect their health and their emotions. I kick myself every time I find myself being sucked into a catty conversation about someone else. We all fall victim to this, and the best that we can do is try to change the subject, avoid it all together or simply walk away.
I hope that I can live my life without worrying about the opinions of others, and make decisions that are best for me in this life and not what I think others believe is the best. I hope that I can learn to walk away quicker when people are being catty. I try to reiterate to myself that being able to speak up, make decisions, and live life the way I want to shouldn't matter to anyone else and if it does, than they simply don't matter.
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