Hair today...gone tomorrow

Yesterday was the first time in years I got my hair done by a professional. For many years I cut my own hair because I had a lot of shame about the bald patches I had on my scalp. These bald spots were/are from pulling my hair, a body-focused repetitive behavior called trichotillomania, so I simply avoided salons. As most of you know from my previous post, I buzzed off my hair back in July because I was struggling so bad with my hair pulling that I have since then worn a wig. I had met with a stylist in August who basically made me feel like I was wasting his time and felt as though he was disgusted by me and my hair. I had a bad feeling about the interaction and was able to find someone else who was willing to work with me. The appointment was booked and man, was I excited (and terrified). Prior to my appointment I had terrible anxiety because I felt like my 'wish' hairstyle wouldn't be able to be done. The time slowly ticked by yesterday until it was time...moment of truth. Finally, I showed up, sat down, talked, teared up and to my relief was able to get my hair done.

I was so happy with the outcome, and just felt so proud of myself for how far I have come...and then more anxiety set in. I was terrified to go to work today and see what my coworkers would say/not say/think. I try so hard not to worry about what others think, but when you do something so extreme and against the norm, you are bound to get talked about both good and bad. I got so many compliments and so much support today it was great, and then there was just one comment that wasn't so nice that I held onto. 'As my son would say, did you do that on purpose?' 'Does your husband like it?' 'What will you do when your roots grow in?' (My answer to that last one was, 'I don't know, live my life'.) So on and so forth. I was so annoyed, but also not terribly surprised based on previous conversations with this person. As if my anxiety wasn't already high... I went to vent about my frustration and as I was doing so, I looked out the window and there was a cardinal on a tree right there. I know, I know, some of you think that's some foo-foo stuff, but I think that was dad coming and saying, 'Don't worry about it.'

Yes, it's shocking and against the norms. Society tells us that women are supposed to have long hair to be considered beautiful...anything else means the opposite. Well, I hate to break it to you but it's just hair. It grows back. 

https://p.favim.com/orig/2018/12/01/quotes-short-hair-Favim.com-6612234.jpg


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