I did a thing...

I recently cut and colored my hair. I was hopeful that this would help me with my hair pulling...I was wrong. Last night, I was so fed up with trying to cover my bald spots and dissociating from my body while doing so that I decided to buzz cut my head. Yes, you read that correctly.  I first took chunks of hair and cut them, and then used Stefan's buzz cutter to do the rest. My hope is that having no hair to pull will help me with my pulling; a combination of that and wearing my Keen bracelet should hopefully do the trich ;)

As you may know I have struggled with Trichotillomania for more than half of my life, and while I have gone over a month at a time without pulling, it has gotten particularly bad. So bad that I felt out of control with it again. I did not feel like I had the support I needed so I immediately texted my best friend, Rachel, and she gave me the support I needed. She said, "I support you. No questions. If you feel it’s a step to help you move forward then it’s a step you should take." and then later, when I said I will regret this in the morning she responded with, "...it gets better starting right now!" How did I get so lucky? I knew hands down she was the person I needed in that moment to make me feel heard and seen. This morning I woke up and was like, 'Oh shit, I really did it' but also a sense of relief that a new beginning and growth (literally) has started.

I am not going to lie...I am a little terrified of going back to work, but I will be rocking a wig or two for a while. I mean, I always wanted pink hair so I guess this is a good opportunity to do it.

In some ways this post is a love letter to Rachel, one of the strongest, kindest, funniest and compassionate people I know, in other ways this is a heads up that next time you see me I will look a lot different, as well a reminder to myself that I am brave and bold and can get through anything.






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