Bye Daddy

My dad was a good man. He was my mom's best friend. He was my hero. Last week the world lost a good man, best friend and hero; the world lost my father. 

I was lucky enough to have been raised by both of my parents, and never could I picture a world without one or both of them. Now today, I am living that. 16 months ago my father's health struggles began when he was diagnosed with bladder cancer last fall. It's been one hell of a ride for him and my mom. In and out of doctor's offices, emergency room visits and his final stay in hospice. Not once did he complain about the pain he was in and he did his best to live a full life. When his health took a massive decline last week, I just knew it was near the end for him. I got to speak with him on the phone and the last thing he said to me  was, 'I'll be better later, I promise.' Even during all his suffering he was hopeful he would get better. Two nights before he passed away my mom, sister and I each got to make separate phone calls to his hospital room. At this point, he was not able to speak but I could hear him breathing and he would grunt in response. I told him that I loved him, that I was thankful for everything that he did for us and mostly just sat in silence knowing what was imminent. He would not pass away in a hospital bed that was for sure, so his stubborn self waited until he was comfortable in hospice where he took his final breath.

Growing up, my dad (and mom) did everything they could to provide for us and give us a great life. Dad worked his butt off for over 30 years working in the schools as the Head Custodian. Once he retired he didn't want to stay home, so he went back to work full time until he got sick. When he wasn't working at his full time job he was working as a father, handy man at home, and husband. I always admired how hard he worked and how selfless he was. I remember one of his birthday's he took me out to get ME a present, despite it being his birthday. He was always giving everything he could to his girls, and even before he passed away he told my mom not to spend money on a big funeral but to buy herself something nice. 

Every year around Christmas, I'm not sure when we started this tradition, dad and I would go out to dinner, a movie and/or shopping. We continued this even when I moved out of state. It was as we got older that we were able to have deeper conversations about life and mental health, we could both be raw and honest and I appreciated that. Although we skipped a movie last December, we did get to go to dinner together and I'm glad we did. 

Dad and I, like any parent and their child, had their ups and downs over the years. Dad and I didn't always see eye to eye on things. This was probably one of my biggest struggles, because I don't always care what people think, but I cared so much what he thought. Our last long conversation that we had was a disagreement/misunderstanding, and I hold onto that and hope that he wasn't mad at me until his last breath. All I ever wanted was for him to be proud of me.

Dad would always say something along the lines of, 'I hope you get all your traits from your mother.' No offense mom, but I do think I got some things from you, like my emotions haha but I really think I am my father's daughter. I'll take all the bad, stubborn, hot tempered, and all the good, hardworking, funny, compassionate and pretty freaking fabulous. 

I love you and miss you dad.