You are not alone
I feel very cliche by saying, 'It gets better' but it does. I recently posted on instagram about how I was in a dark place...however I feel like that was not enough... it is on my heart to share exactly where I was.
I woke up on a Sunday morning and just felt bad. I have had many mornings like this, I wake up, feel sad, I don't know why I'm feeling like this and I wallow and cry on and off all day. On this Sunday I was feeling extremely depressed, all I wanted was to snuggle my baby, and all she wanted was 'dada'. That was the tipping point for me on this particular morning. The thoughts that proceeded to fill my brain were, 'You suck', 'You're a terrible mom', 'Nobody would notice or care if you were dead'. I wanted to hurt myself so bad, I truly believed that I was so worthless that no one would notice if I was gone. In that moment of loud negative voices I heard a little voice that told me to talk about it. I needed to share what I was feeling with Stefan.
Bean had just gone down for a nap at the peak of my emotions and I did it, I spoke to Stefan. I told him, 'I'm having suicidal thoughts', and I proceeded to cry. Did Stefan know exactly what to say? No. But you know what he did do, he listened. I am so grateful that I have him to listen to me, and I can only hope that you have someone that you feel you can talk. Now, did I feel happy as can be and ready to live life to it's fullest after our conversation...of course not, but I felt a little better. And since that day, I've been on such a high, and damn it feels great!
Unfortunately I have had many days where I've had thoughts about suicide but I never talked about them. Instead, I would resort to other means of self-harm and hope someone would notice and offer to help. I truly believe that I have come so far in my struggles with mental illness and having a setback is totally normal. Do I really believe people wouldn't notice, or they'd be happy if I was gone? Of course not, but sometimes my brain gets so foggy with the lies I tell myself that it can seem like the only option...but it's not.
You are not alone. If you feel like you have no one to talk to, I am here for you. I, like Stefan, may not know exactly what to say, but I can listen. Life can give you some pretty shitty lemons, but if we just ride the wave and recognize our strengths we can get through the tough times. I need to be vulnerable for you because I need you to know it's okay, you are okay...you are more than okay, you're YOU and there's no one else like you.
I woke up on a Sunday morning and just felt bad. I have had many mornings like this, I wake up, feel sad, I don't know why I'm feeling like this and I wallow and cry on and off all day. On this Sunday I was feeling extremely depressed, all I wanted was to snuggle my baby, and all she wanted was 'dada'. That was the tipping point for me on this particular morning. The thoughts that proceeded to fill my brain were, 'You suck', 'You're a terrible mom', 'Nobody would notice or care if you were dead'. I wanted to hurt myself so bad, I truly believed that I was so worthless that no one would notice if I was gone. In that moment of loud negative voices I heard a little voice that told me to talk about it. I needed to share what I was feeling with Stefan.
Bean had just gone down for a nap at the peak of my emotions and I did it, I spoke to Stefan. I told him, 'I'm having suicidal thoughts', and I proceeded to cry. Did Stefan know exactly what to say? No. But you know what he did do, he listened. I am so grateful that I have him to listen to me, and I can only hope that you have someone that you feel you can talk. Now, did I feel happy as can be and ready to live life to it's fullest after our conversation...of course not, but I felt a little better. And since that day, I've been on such a high, and damn it feels great!
Unfortunately I have had many days where I've had thoughts about suicide but I never talked about them. Instead, I would resort to other means of self-harm and hope someone would notice and offer to help. I truly believe that I have come so far in my struggles with mental illness and having a setback is totally normal. Do I really believe people wouldn't notice, or they'd be happy if I was gone? Of course not, but sometimes my brain gets so foggy with the lies I tell myself that it can seem like the only option...but it's not.
You are not alone. If you feel like you have no one to talk to, I am here for you. I, like Stefan, may not know exactly what to say, but I can listen. Life can give you some pretty shitty lemons, but if we just ride the wave and recognize our strengths we can get through the tough times. I need to be vulnerable for you because I need you to know it's okay, you are okay...you are more than okay, you're YOU and there's no one else like you.
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