Take a good look at yourself
I was inspired today by a close friend of mine. It was something she posted on Instagram, a quote, a game-changer. The quote said, "...the question isn't so much, 'Are you parenting the right way?' as it is 'Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?'" The only comment I could make was, "Wow". I haven't read something that deep and true in a long time. Being a new mom ,it really struck a cord with me.
Prior to being a parent, I felt like it was easy to say, "If I was a mom I'd do [insert something parent related here]" or "I'm not going to let my child do XY&Z"...and then you become a parent and everything you thought you had figured out is out the window. Parenting is easily the hardest and most gratifying thing I have ever done. I have done hard things before and I have felt rewarded in life, but never at the same time...until now.
Before you roll your eyes, I understand that I have only been a parent for 8 weeks, but I've already learned so much. I have spent everyday worrying about being the perfect parent. Asking myself, and husband, is that right? Should we do this differently? is this normal? is it my fault? etc. After seeing this quote, I have spent the entire day looking at myself and instead of asking, "Am I doing this right?", I am asking, "Am I modeling the type of adult I want Giu-Giu Bean to be?"
I have a tendency to curse a lot. I can be very critical of others and myself. I still struggle with disordered eating (despite being in recovery). I struggle with trichtotillomania. I catch myself body checking often and I instigate arguments at times (right Steffy?). I am also kind and compassionate, I like having impromptu dance parties in the kitchen (even though Stefan thinks I'm embarrassing), and I have a lot of great relationships, something that I truly value. Looking at all of these characteristics, behavior flaws, and fabulousness, I would obviously want to display the fabulous side more often than not to my baby girl, but of course I will falter at times.
There is no perfect person or parent, but I know that I can certainly be more mindful of the person I am and the decisions I make when I am in front of my child and other children. I cannot always be the person I want Giuliana to look up to. I am going to make my mistakes, but if I can catch myself more easily doing things like pulling out my hair, pinching my stomach, and cursing, the better chance I will have avoiding difficult and awkward conversations down the road.
As I've said many times before, I worry way too much about what people think about me. Now that I have Bean, I worry a lot about what kind of parent people think I am...especially when she's crying. I try to remind myself that, "She's a baby, and babies cry" but there is a larger voice saying "You're doing a terrible job, everyone thinks so." I also struggle from 'shoulding myself'. I should be more assertive, I should be stronger, I should blah blah blah. Whether or not I think these things, I am going to be more cautious of saying things out loud, and/or how I say them. Once Giuliana is old enough, she will pick up on actions, behaviors and conversations, and for those I am fully responsible.
I cannot and will not ever be the perfect person or parent. I will continue to make mistakes and say/do some stupid things, but I do have the power to correct things and be a strong role model for my daughter. How often do you react to things before thinking them through and responding? I sure as hell know I react far too often and let my emotions get the best of me. It takes a lot longer to fix an argument than it does to think about a response before giving it.
Everyday I am going to take a long hard look at myself and think, "am I being the best version of myself that I can be?" It will, of course, benefit Little G down the road, but it will benefit me first and foremost. If I treat myself better more and more each day, I can only be serving as a great role model to my little Beanie Baby.
Instead of sitting around thinking about all the things you 'should' change about yourself and your circumstances, just do it...you will set a great example for our youth, and live a happier life.
Prior to being a parent, I felt like it was easy to say, "If I was a mom I'd do [insert something parent related here]" or "I'm not going to let my child do XY&Z"...and then you become a parent and everything you thought you had figured out is out the window. Parenting is easily the hardest and most gratifying thing I have ever done. I have done hard things before and I have felt rewarded in life, but never at the same time...until now.
Before you roll your eyes, I understand that I have only been a parent for 8 weeks, but I've already learned so much. I have spent everyday worrying about being the perfect parent. Asking myself, and husband, is that right? Should we do this differently? is this normal? is it my fault? etc. After seeing this quote, I have spent the entire day looking at myself and instead of asking, "Am I doing this right?", I am asking, "Am I modeling the type of adult I want Giu-Giu Bean to be?"
I have a tendency to curse a lot. I can be very critical of others and myself. I still struggle with disordered eating (despite being in recovery). I struggle with trichtotillomania. I catch myself body checking often and I instigate arguments at times (right Steffy?). I am also kind and compassionate, I like having impromptu dance parties in the kitchen (even though Stefan thinks I'm embarrassing), and I have a lot of great relationships, something that I truly value. Looking at all of these characteristics, behavior flaws, and fabulousness, I would obviously want to display the fabulous side more often than not to my baby girl, but of course I will falter at times.
There is no perfect person or parent, but I know that I can certainly be more mindful of the person I am and the decisions I make when I am in front of my child and other children. I cannot always be the person I want Giuliana to look up to. I am going to make my mistakes, but if I can catch myself more easily doing things like pulling out my hair, pinching my stomach, and cursing, the better chance I will have avoiding difficult and awkward conversations down the road.
As I've said many times before, I worry way too much about what people think about me. Now that I have Bean, I worry a lot about what kind of parent people think I am...especially when she's crying. I try to remind myself that, "She's a baby, and babies cry" but there is a larger voice saying "You're doing a terrible job, everyone thinks so." I also struggle from 'shoulding myself'. I should be more assertive, I should be stronger, I should blah blah blah. Whether or not I think these things, I am going to be more cautious of saying things out loud, and/or how I say them. Once Giuliana is old enough, she will pick up on actions, behaviors and conversations, and for those I am fully responsible.
I cannot and will not ever be the perfect person or parent. I will continue to make mistakes and say/do some stupid things, but I do have the power to correct things and be a strong role model for my daughter. How often do you react to things before thinking them through and responding? I sure as hell know I react far too often and let my emotions get the best of me. It takes a lot longer to fix an argument than it does to think about a response before giving it.
Everyday I am going to take a long hard look at myself and think, "am I being the best version of myself that I can be?" It will, of course, benefit Little G down the road, but it will benefit me first and foremost. If I treat myself better more and more each day, I can only be serving as a great role model to my little Beanie Baby.
Instead of sitting around thinking about all the things you 'should' change about yourself and your circumstances, just do it...you will set a great example for our youth, and live a happier life.
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