Baby Bags is in the Building

Well, it's official; I'm a mom.  Giuliana Marie Bagnato, aka Bean, Giu-Giu, Potato, Bug, G, was born on May 14th.  It's hard to believe that it's been nearly three weeks since she's been born, and man what a whirlwind it has been.  I often stare at our baby girl and get teary eyed as I turn to Stefan and say, 'We made her'.  What an amazing thing conception and birth can be...I am amazed and blown away every single day.  

To say that I was fully prepared for motherhood is not true by any means.  I think I could've said I was prepared, but in all honesty, nothing can really prepare you for the emotions you will feel, the ups and downs, the adjustment to a new addition to the family, and the struggle for adaptation.  After the past 16 days, I am certainly no expert, nor do I think I will be.  However, I can provide you with straight up honesty with what I have learned so far.

1.  Nobody told me prior to birth that not only would G cry in the middle of the night, but so would I.  As I sit in the rocker trying to soothe her, I cry hysterically wondering, what am I doing wrong?  Is this normal?  It's just me, I'm the worst mom in the world'.  <-- None of this is actually true.  It's my 'scaredy brain'.  I am not doing anything wrong, it is normal, and I'm a kick ass mom that Giuliana is lucky to have.  I also believe if I tell myself this everyday, I will finally believe it.

2.  There is no greater feeling than staring at her knowing that she is a bi-product of love.  She does this long blink when she is starting to fall asleep, and it truly melts my heart.  When she cries hysterically she makes this sound like a little piglet and I feel bad laughing, but it is the cutest sound in the world....but not after an hour.

3.  I wasn't prepared to feel more in love/connected with Stefan, yet so disconnected at the same time.  It's so important for us to take advantage of the brief moments we have together when not tending to G.  Even if that means a quick kiss, an 'I love you', or just laughing at ourselves when we literally have no idea what we are doing.

4.  Apparently there will be times when G will cry and cry and cry, and there's not a whole lot we can do...especially when she has an upset tummy.  The other night we just sat on the floor with G, holding hands, saying 'shhhh', knowing it would eventually subside...keyword being, 'eventually'.

5.  Parenthood is all about teamwork...I still struggle with this one on a daily basis.  Being Giuliana's mom, I feel like I need to be doing the majority, if not all of the work to take care of her.  I'm not the only parent in the picture, and Stefan is one fantastic parent (I also cry in private thinking about how sweet he is with her).  It is important for Stefan and I to keep on passing the Potato so one of us can eat, shower, or take a nap.  Stefan and I will check in with one another to see what their opinion is on her cues or just to see how one another is doing.  These things will keep us both sane.

6.  Trial and error.  Learning how to care for your baby is all about trial and error.  We go through our checklist multiple times a day to ensure we are giving G what she needs.  We do what we can and recognize that this is enough.  We try asking her what's wrong, but she has yet to answer.

7.  I've never been happier.  As you probably know by now I've had my struggle with anorexia/bulimia for a long time.  When it came to family planning there was a part of me that didn't think it would happen for us.  Well it did, and despite the struggles parenthood has given/will continue to give, I wouldn't change it for the world.  G is our blessing; she's perfect in every way because she's ours.

I know that there is a whole heck of a lot more to learn as we tackle this little thing called parenthood, and I can hope to be a beacon of honesty for any future parents who don't know what to expect.