Ann1versary

Well, it's been a year ago exactly that I came home from treatment.  I spent 57 days isolated from most of the world to focus on treatment, primarily for an eating disorder.  Being that it has been a year, I wanted to write something, anything, to commemorate my time in treatment and my recovery process thereafter.  I feel like I have so many thoughts and feelings right now that this may not make any sense, but I do hope you feel enlightened to read it.

My stay in treatment felt like forever, and yet, there are many days I miss it.  I've never in my life been surrounded by people feeling the same feelings, having the same thoughts, and hoping to overcome all at the same time.  I've never had so much time to reflect on my past, what got me to the point of needing treatment, and figuring out who I am and who I want to be.  It is hard in everyday life to find moments of solitude to appreciate yourself, and really nourish yourself.  It's incredibly important to take care of yourself first, and everyone else later. It is by no means a selfish act to care for yourself.  After all, you cannot fill someone else's cup with an empty cup.

*Treat yourself kindly, there are no guarantees that anyone else will.

Speaking not only for myself, but for others who have sought help for a mental illness, people often do not know how to respond when they hear you have been in treatment...and that is OKAY.  Being on both sides of this spectrum, I want you to know that it is okay to ask. Encourage those around you, educate them and yourself; please do not assume that anyone who leaves treatment is magically 'better.'  

Often times I saw many people who needed longer treatment and were discharged early because insurance companies do not see mental illness as a serious issue [I won't go there]. Recently, a friend of mine, who has grown to be an extremely close friend in a short period of time, asked me a lot about my struggles.  I was taken aback by the conversation, not in a bad way, but because it was true compassion.  I was and am still overwhelmed by her genuine care and interest, and can only hope that I can be there for her the same way she has been for me.  

*It's hard to ask questions, and just as hard to answer...but there are conversations that should be had.  Take time to express your emotions to friends and family.  We have a short time on this earth and it's important to open up the lines of communication.

I don't sit here and write these posts with the expectation that someone will read it.  I don't write this to ask for sympathy or praise.  I write, because for me, writing heals.  In the off chance that you read this, I hope you enjoy it, and if you read it and have been inspired, I'm glad.  As I was scrolling through social media, prior to sitting here and typing, I came across this quote from Viola Davis, 

"Everybody I'm sure at some point, has gone through something in their lives, and you survived it.  But not only did you survive it, you took that trauma, and that hurt, that revelation, or whatever it was, and you used it to connect, to give, to influence, to help, and that is the beauty and the purpose of what we are here on this Earth to do."

We all have our struggles, our highs and lows, ebbs and flows, be it what it may.  No person's struggles are more or less important than what you are going through.  I hope that you find your story matters. It matters to me.  It matters to the world.  Mostly, it matters to you. For there are few things in the world that we can call our very own...and our stories are one of them.

Please find the inspiration to share your story, you never know the impact you may have....go on, we're waiting...