Distance

I've always heard the saying, 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder,' and I never truly appreciated it as much as I do now.  Stefan and I had a 'long-distance' relationship for about 5 years.  We were lucky enough to be only about 3 1/2 hours away from each other.  In all reality, we could have seen each other as often as our schedules would allow...and Stefan did just that.  Despite our opportunities to see one another, I cried like a baby every time we had to say goodbye.  I hated it.  Stefan would always be so optimistic saying that the time we spent apart would make the time together so much better.  I hated that too.  I would continue to cry and blow him off.  Ugh, what did he know?

Well, as a grown adult (although, sometimes I don't act like one) I realize he knew a lot more than I thought.

We get to see each other every day, something that I take for granted.  We have fallen into a routine ... we work, we come home, talk about our day, eat dinner, and watch TV together.  This sounds pretty normal for most people, at least from what I know about others.  But only recently have I realized that I'm totally not present much of this time. I find myself consumed with technology, social media, a good book etc.(Yeah, I know I'm currently blogging, but before you jump to conclusions, he's asleep).  Even though we have all night and sometimes day together, how much time are we really together?  I was recently away visiting my family, and all of these thoughts came to fruition.  I missed him, I missed his presence, I missed talking to him, I missed holding his hand ... I missed us.  In that moment I realized, distance really did make the heart grow fonder.

As many of you know, I left my full-time job as a Children's Librarian to focus on my recovery.  While I know it was important for me to do this, it was in my absence from doing that job that I realized how much I truly loved what I did.  I often times kick myself, and think, 'Why did I leave? What was I thinking?'.  Well, sure I left for my health, and I am grateful to Stefan, my family and friends for their support in this decision...but it also helped me realize where I really wanted to be…making a difference in the hearts of children.

Sometimes, I think we need to take a step back to see what we need/want in this life.  I am grateful that I now believe that, yes, distance does make the heart grow fonder.  I am going to do my best every day to appreciate my relationship with my amazing husband.  I am going to love what I do and realize that I can have an impact in everything I say/do.  I want to be present and stay present, and if I ever find myself doubting any aspect of my life, maybe a little distance will open my eyes to the truth of my life.



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