Hello World

If anyone asked me how I would spend 2016, I would have responded with working, finding a home, starting a family and maybe a little traveling...Well it is 2016 and I can say that none of this has happened.  I have spent most of 2016 in treatment for an eating disorder.  Due to this unexpected detour in life all of the things I've had 'planned' have been put on the back burner...in some ways I am resentful and feeling guilty, in other ways I am grateful.

 I am a person who becomes consumed with guilt over pretty much everything. Treatment is no exception.  I am guilty because of the cost of treatment.  The money that was spent could have been put towards a house, or bills or maybe even a vacation, instead it has gone to my treatment. 

 WARNING: this is my eating disorder talking.  I am resentful towards myself because I gave in.  I sat on a couch and cried out to my husband declaring that I needed help...but I was doing so well!  I was working towards a 'perfect' body and I was on the way towards that, but I became weak and caved.  

 In many ways I am grateful.  Grateful that my husband and family were supportive of my decision to enter treatment. Grateful that my insurance covered my treatment more than I had expected.  Grateful for funds we received from family to help with our bills and my treatment while I was/am out of work.  Grateful for the support I received from friends. Grateful for my treatment team.  Grateful for FMLA.  Grateful for the friends I made in treatment.  Finally, I am grateful for having the opportunity to find myself again.  I have gotten reacquainted with who I am, my likes and dislikes.  While this everyday is not easy, I continue to find the strength I need to make it through.

 If anyone were to ask me how I spent 2016, I would proudly say, I spent 2016 getting my life back.

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